The setting is a dark undisclosed location somewhere in the outskirts of Hollywood. Mario Lopez slowly makes his way into what would become tonight’s bloody battleground. He’s pumped and anxious to see who his opponent is, ready throw down a barrage of killer wrestling moves, made famous on several episodes of Saved by the Bell, and to literally destroy what it is that stands in-between him and victory.

He circles the area, fist clenched, humming to himself a certain LL Cool J song that pertains to someone’s Momma saying to knock em’ out. Suddenly he hears foot steps approaching from afar, he turns around with anticipation, and through the shroud of darkness his opponent finally makes his appearance...its none other than Jaleel White, the quintessential nerd of television - Steven Quincy Urkel.

"What the fuck? Are you serious? I’m supposed to fight fucking Urkel?" Mario says with distain. "My contract says that I’m suppose to fight a Name actor, someone famous or at the least the same stature of one Albert Clifford Slater. Shit! I’d rather fight Screech then a throw-away character like Urkel. At least Screech had longevity, with the new class and college years." Jaleel White just stands there taking in the verbal abuse. "Fuck! What was the last thing you were in?" Mario continues with is assault as Jaleel stands there motionless, looking at his feet. "I’m gonna fucking break you Urkel, you’re over Urkel. You should just dig a hole right now because I’m going burry you Urkel, It’s over Urkel, you’re face is going to be a bloody mess Urkel..."

"STOP IT!" Jaleel screams as he begins to pace uncontrollably. "STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!" Mario then pompously responds "What’s the problem, can’t shallow the truth Urkel" BANG! Mario falls to the floor, blood oozing out from his chest. Jaleel, immensely shaking, stands over top him, smoke spilling out from the barrel of the gun he is holding, "Oops, Did I do that?" Jaleel says with a smile.

"Fuck you Urkel!" says Mario gasping for air. Jaleel looks at him with bloodshot eyes and responds "My names not Urkel, It’s Jaleel, It’s not Urkel. It’s not FUCKING URKEL, IT’S NOT FUCKING URKEL!!!!" BANG! BANG! BANG!

Mario lays motionless on the ground...inches from him, Jaleel White, lays in the fetal position, crying and quietly muttering to himself "My names not Urkel, my names not Urkel, my names not Urkel..."