Remembering The 80s Teen Movie Party

12/22/05
written by: suj

I've always wanted to be a part of a 80s teen movie party. Why? Becuase the parties were just so overboard and so ridiculously awesome that you just can't say no to it. I've never in my life had the experience of going to a party even half as amazingly insane as the parties found in teen movies of the 1980's.

If you don't remember what a 80s teen movie party was all about, let me refresh your memory - It starts off with an establishing shot outside of the party. It’s here one is able to view tress covered in toilet paper, stoners passed out on the lawn, something on fire, a couple making out on top of a car (they may or may not be half-naked), various cars parked on lawn, random people walking funny, all of which is backed by a hip and happening dance beat coming from inside the house. Now, inside you have about 100 to lets say 25,000 people screaming and dancing to their hearts desire. People marking up the walls, hot chicks dishing out those wicked-cool 80s dance steps, empty kegs tossed out of windows, biker gang interruptions, foreign exchange students galore/abuse, beerymids, dorks who made the mistake of showing up and are picked on by the alpha males, copious amounts of drinking (funnel or otherwise), all of which ends with the house being destroyed beyond any possibility of repair (unless you have a computer generated chick named Lisa, who can use her powers to clean up all this mess). And that is the 80s Teen Movie Party in the simplest terms and in the most convenient of definitions.

Those parties are just wickedly awesome. And by wickedly awesome I mean wickedly awesome. I can just imagine myself dancing up a storm with Andie Walsh or rubbing up against the aforementioned Lisa, or even making out with Caroline Mulford in the back seat of a very expensive sports car barrowed from Jake Ryan. I can't say this enough, those parties are wickedly awesome. I want to got to a party that is as cool as the 80s teen movie party. Most of the parties I have been to involve going over to the home of someone I hardly know whose parents were out of town. The evening would usually be spent drinking, talking up a storm about random shit, standing/walking aimlessly trying to talk to chicks, all of which ends with the party's glorious climax when a super powered 7 foot tall platypus named Casey comes barging in and starts break dancing to the song "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey. Okay, that last part about the platypus never happens, but there is always that moment before I leave the party that I wish it would.

If you're reading this, and your still in high school, you must go out of your way and re-create a 80s teen movie party. Next time that dorky kid throws a party in order to gain your acceptance and the privilege of calling you a friend, turn that party into an outrageous cavalcade of drinking, drugs, underage sex and foreign exchange student abuse. Watch the 80s teen movies for inspiration and make it your goal to replicate the parties down to the smallest details. Don't be afraid to burn the place down or hire high-class hookers, or professional gangsters, or a kiddy pools filled with jell-o, or a Wham! tribute band, or even better an Asia tribute band, or perhaps an Anthony Michael Hall impersonator. Get creative with your aspirations and dare I say it, try to top the 80s teen movie party.

In conclusion, of all the parties shown within movies, the 80s teen movie party stands above all as the most ridiculously, insanely, awesomenessly, social gathering of all time.